Reply To: hey there, can i have your opinion
On 2008.04.30 at 6:14 pm Superlordspamulon wrote:
BREAK NOT BRAKE!
Anyway, i thought it was only alright to be honest. It didn’t really grip me and for a magical fantasy, it felt a bit mundane.
Firstly: You need to vary your sentence structure more. It felt a little monotonous and boring.
Secondly: You need more description, make it vivid too! For instance, when they appeared as a group in the field (or whatever), you didn’t describe much. You had a fantastic opportunity to make this place seem truly astounding through description, but you just didn’t. Same applies to things like speech, character etc. (Metaphors go a long way, by the way. Just make them original )