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Yesterday, I had the weirdest working day ever. And I feel very quiet inside today, kind of zen state. Humble, and happy.

Weird, but also funny… :roll:

OK, let me explain. Since one and a half month my life is kinda fucked up. And I mean really fucked up. On April 22, I lost a lawsuit against a bank (I’m going to appeal against it of course), but I have to pay 190,000 Euro (approx. US$ 265.000) now anyway. At least that’s what they want. I don’t have that of course, so they are trying to get my house and goods instead. I’ve done some preparations of course, so they won’t get everything, if something at all. Now they are trying to get my salary, to see if they can get some of that. A few days ago the bailiff of the bank made me fill in a form about these things…

So, tensions are building up (understatement). No money anymore to collect SP. Almost no money anymore to pay my lawyer, who is on this case since 2006. And what happened on top of this all? Last Friday we got an announcement that we will get a salary cut of 15% at out company because of the economy crisis. Yes sir… You would say, this fucking bank and the fucking economy are doing a race together who brings me down on my knees first… Of course I felt this coming, we don’t have so much work anymore as we had before. But having my salary cut with 15%, then I’m bankrupt, and totally fucked up…

So I already told my teamleader that when such thing would happen, I would leave the company and look for a job that would bring in some more money. She probably told the CEO of our company, as before the general announcement of the 15% pay cut he called me in and he told me I would get a compensation because he knows that we are having hard times, with the lawsuit and all. I was still very angry about this decision and told him I would leave anyway.

Then, the weirdest thing ever happened. At around 23:00 Friday night I get a call on my mobile. Mr CEO himself… Crying, that he felt so sorry for us, that he is going to compensate generously, even from his private money if necessary, for the pay cut, and he also promised that when good times return (which might be soon, as he is talking with a big spender-invester) he will look very seriously into the posibility to give my girlfriend a management job at our company. He almost could not speak, he was all teary and emotional, and he made clear that he doesn’t want to loose such good employee like me… Tsss… :roll:

Now, today, I went to do some work out for a few hours in the gym in our office with my girlfriend, she didn’t feel so well because of all the stress of the last few weeks, but we had a good time anyway. Before we went I found the sweetest email from a few friends that supported me by buying a fucking rare Smashing Pumpkins cd. I got chicken skin and tears when I read that. Anyway, then after the work out we went to do some shopping, I made pancakes with bacon for us 2 (smells good and tastes even better!), and after that we went for a walk and a long sit at the beach. It was beautiful weather, and more and more I felt calm, in a zen kind of way. Harmony. And with a feeling that when there is nothing else to lose anymore, you start to know your real friends. And you start enjoying very small things very intense also.

Man, what a time… :roll:

Billy Corgan, December 2, 2008 : "Not everyone understands our death trip. But you do. And that's what matters."